Can I take my fatigue, and sense of powerlessness and just let that be my prayer? No words, no concepts, just let the felt weakness be the doorway, the entrance in.

If I am called to transformation and a higher state of awareness and service to others, it will not come by escaping my situation or dreaming or wishing for a different circumstance. It is making use of “what is” that reveals the path. When your limitations become a prayer, and your happiness is grounded in just being, rather than doing, and your guilt and regrets dissolve into gratitude, then you know the “Kingdom of God is within You”

I love to look into my dog Holly’s eyes and talk to her. Of course if I want to have a dialog then I have to answer for her.

It goes something like this:

Me:
“What’s it all about ?   Do you feel any sense of purpose and meaning?”

Holly:
“I want to eat, sleep, and be with you”

Me:
“Is there anything else you want?”

Holly:
“Nope. I am here to be with you”

There is something deep and rich about the humble loyalty of a dog.

What if I were so humble and so available to others?

What if I could truly say that —

“Life is not about me, I am about life”
(unknown)

“One of the biggest impediments to the spiritual life is that we are not sufficiently unhappy, and we are too willing to settle for a compromise with life, a compromise for temporary comfort. But for some people, this is either not good enough, or their suffering is so intense that it does not allow such a compromise, and they become rich in spirit” John Butler

We need to see our deep discontentment as a Grace, a mysterious door, and spiritual guide. Instead we often fear these feelings and we seek distraction into activity and illusion, hoping that such activity will give us control over this hidden dark abyss within. But the opposite is true, it is stillness, awareness, and the embrace of this emptiness that opens up a rich and immensely satisfying spiritual life.

Oct 2016

“Great souls pay much attention to little things” Escriva.

“How you do anything is how you do everything” Rohr

“The little things are the big things” unknown

If these maxims are supposed to hold for all types of temperaments and personalities then it must be about more than being a detail oriented person.

I think the underlying virtue here is having the humility to surrender oneself fully to the present moment and not skip over the present details. It is also a kind of reverence before the Divine presence that leads one to truly care for the little things and not to try and control the whole agenda, or be the judge.

1cor13: “Love is patient, love is kind….”     and does not cut corners!

Oct 2016

The spiritual teacher, pragmatist Byron Katie writes in Loving What Is, “The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is. When the mind is perfectly clear, what is is what we want.”

I am still grappling with this spiritual principle of acceptance. For some reason I feel it is too passive a response to the world, and does not account for the call to battle injustice and struggle for what is right. On the other hand I can see the ill affects within me of clinging to false identity and ego that causes unnecessary suffering. The illusion that I should be in more control of my life sets up so much disappointment, angst, fear, and discontent. Control is an illusion, so in that sense I can see the profound spiritual insight of Katie’s that we just need to “Love what is”

This raises the question of how strategic one should really be about their life. Is a beautiful vocation born of planning and striving toward a goal or simply accepting and fully embracing what comes to us?

If Virtue is the mean between extremes, then perhaps the virtue or art of discernment is the balance between actively seeking the good, and just letting it come to us, and being transformed by loving what is. The planning out and thinking forward is balanced by the waiting for doors to open and circumstances to confirm before stepping through.

All this human effort and structure to try to access God and grace?

Is is just another ego project, and a futile striving, or is it the necessary and ordinary path to sanctity?

The answer hinges on on Love.

If acts of piety are done humbly and lovingly like a child, then it is something beautiful for God and useful for us. It is like a young boy bringing a little gift to his dad. The dad has no need of it but he treasures it and it moves him and the relationship deepens because the boy made an effort. Piety is the little boy’s gift brought over an over to the father. If it becomes boring and devoid of any inspiration it may because we have lost the childlike humility and love. If the act of piety, whatever it is, be it mass, Rosary, night prayer, act on faith, sign of the cross, meditation, reading, is an act of love it does not matter what we experience from it. There is great hidden fruit born for us and others.

If there is no struggle, there is no interior life. If there is no beginning again and again to attempt what seems impossible, then there is no love, and then we have true boredom.

We are called to seek God, and yet we can even begin to find him without his help. So why strive if it is all grace anyway?

Because He is often hidden in the struggle, and his grace is a cooperation with nature. Our suffering in this struggle is our greatest teacher and mentor. Not to try, not to have any plan of life seems to me a lack of love, an escape from the ordinary means God have given us.

Some would say that all religion is futile and the truly enlightened person is one that is free of all  constructed ways of seeking God. That the struggle for self improvement is somehow a block in and of itself because it is rooted in the ego. The Mystical traditions seem to transcend the organized religions they spring from, yet they do not negate them.  They go through them to a deeper state of maturity and oneness.  But there remains the need for the structure of a shared faith including the demands of love within a community to light the way to perfection.

Finally, I think religion and piety is a necessary part of human development. The Angels have no need of any of this because they are pure spirits. But we need this struggle to perfect our love for a God we cannot see, and to learn abandonment, compassion, and acceptance.

Sept. 2016

On Sunday morning in the heart of summertime, on my way home from church, after a feast of faith, after the sacrament of word and bread,  I stop at the Kroger supermarket. The parking lot feels like an oven, and that first step in the door like a cold shower.

I have no idea what I’m shopping for, just waiting for some inspiration.

My eye is drawn to a neat trapezoidal pile of bright green limes. That’s it! I grab two and decide it will be the center piece of my dinner tonight. Culinary wheels start turning in my head but Then I’m quickly thrown off course by the blueberries. 2 packs for 5 bucks. Round balls of sweetness. Thank you Jesus. I can just taste them tomorrow morning embedded in Greek yogurt.

Moving on, I head for the fresh baked loaves. A rosemary and herbs loaf, square shaped, grabs my eye. That’s lunch today and toast tomorrow. No further deliberation needed. Pick up olives, a mozzarella ball, lunch meats.

Now back to dinner and those limes. A skirt steak is on sale, and I feel a challenge to see what I can make of this poor mans cut. Lime, onion, and and jalapeño marinade all-the-day-Long. Yes! I pass up the $15/lb rib eyes with my conscience soaring and feeling like I just paid down my mortgage.

My cart fills up row by row. Pete texts: “you bringing any food home?” I push on into pet section and hoist a big bag for Holly, then milk, eggs, fresh salsa, but Then I bog down on corn ships. There are 30 varieties and it pissing me off. But I spot a bag that says “Just corn chips, nothing added”. Some Brilliant marketing guy just cut through all the noise for me. Thanks man.

At check out, I look at the blue plastic card in my hand. A quick waive of guilt, why me?, It’s all to easy and so abundant. There starving somewhere, faceless and nameless hoards. The guilt-wave passes, and I send up a prayer of thanks for all these ingredients as they move along the belt and for the masses of humanity, God’s children, may they be fed today.  I punch in my code and sign the little screen and push my cart out into the asphalt oven and then home to a day of rest. The boys start opening bags, fixing sandwiches and chowing down,  oblivious to me just watching them and taking in all this abundance,and feasting. There are so many  gifts flowing in, around, and through this Sabbath day, this life.