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“Why are you standing there looking up into heaven?” Acts 1:6

Perhaps it is natural to wait upon a savior, to look for the hero to return. But this is no ordinary hero, this is the God-man who emptied himself to take on our humanity. The one who “so loved the world” that he made a great decent into it.

We give Him no honor by just gazing up into heaven, as if there is nothing left here for us. If we are seeking our solace in religion, could it be that we are just trying to escape?

The pascal mystery is about entering in, not opting out. To wait around for a miracle may be to avoid the real mission.

If we truly believe in the resurrection, then it should give us freedom to enter fully into our humanity.

Lets get our heads out of the clouds and get on with becoming the Christ’s body in the  world.

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Self Awareness

Monitoring our neurosis is an important part of spiritual growth. It is the sensitivity to know when our subtle triggers have been pulled and deep subliminal fears have been activated.

Yes, we all have levels of neurosis. Its an original wound, a place where we loose our fundamental trust and deploy false strategies to control, that are stimulated by fear. And this is where we have to learn to lean against our natural inclinations. St. Ignatius called this “Agere Contra” or to go against. To recognize where we have become overly “bent” in one direction and to make the reverse bend to compensate.

For example, a person prone to avarice, when invited to donate or give should err on the side of generosity. For them, they need to “over bend” and to go against their feelings of being irresponsible and not protecting or conserving their wealth, which irrationally feels like its running out. To lean the other way despite inner pangs of fear is to be self aware enough to push your way through the irrational fear into freedom.

If we keep leaning into the door of our darkness, and practicing self awareness, eventually we break through into a more spacious arena full of light. Essentially, this is the virtue of humility, to accept the light upon our wound as part of what makes us beautiful.

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Five Blueberries

I start my day with five blueberries, picking them out of the carton one by one and consuming them slowly. Just a little sacred ritual to help me focus and not jump too quickly in the ego-race and rush.

Five is symbolic of man: gifted, glorious, frail, and flawed. Five is also my place on the enneagram. We fives easily get trapped in the mind, in abstractions, obsessed with knowing and understanding, which becomes our idol or false path to security. But there is ultimately no security, no place to go, except to fall into the presence of a loving God and accept the gifts provided.

These beautiful berries drank their little fill of sun, water and earth and they speak to me on a deep cellular level. In their smallness and singularity they teach me about focus, presence, and embodiment. They tell me to slow down and become aware the sacred temple that I am, and to give myself completely to the present moment.