In a relationship, at least one person must be standing on solid ground, otherwise it becomes a co-sinking, and serves no one. The “Solid ground” is having a clear sense of self, and the humility (or good sense) to know that we cannot control loved ones or life outcomes. All we can control is our own openness to grace. So stepping off our solid ground to get closer to a loved one wallowing in the mire is not heroism, it’s our own fear and shame refusing to let go.
Releasing our loved ones in to the care of God is harder than it sounds. It’s a real self-emptying, because it’s a loving release on the grip of what is so close and dear to self but must be set free.